Nancy Braxton grew up outside of Philadelphia as a Quaker. Arthur Siegel grew up Jewish on the West Side of Manhattan. Arthur was president of the student body at his secondary school. Nancy was Student Council president at her school. Arthur entered Swarthmore College in Philadelphia in the fall of 1958, and Nancy entered the following autumn.
Nancy says that during her first two years at Swarthmore she knew who Arthur was. He stood out on campus as a scholar and for his participation in student activities, including his acting in college theatricals. Neither of them remembers interacting at all during those two years.
Both of them signed up to spend the summer of 1961 in Europe doing the work of the American Friends Service Committee, and they met on the ship crossing the Atlantic. They were so “drawn to each other,” as they mutually recall, that they decided to do some backpacking together before they settled into their differently located AFSC assignments.
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They did so as friends, not lovers. Nancy describes their relationship as having a mutual respect for each other and their accomplishments. Arthur goes a step further and characterizes what they shared as a “special feeling for each other.” As part of their travels they went to Paris, as seen in the photo that accompanies this column.
When they got back to Swarthmore that fall, they continued to see each other, though not with any rabid frequency. Arthur says, “You could say we dated.” Nancy says it is more accurately described as “close friends.”
Nancy was awarded a Fulbright Fellowship for study in India when she graduated from Swarthmore. Arthur had begun medical school and took a year to do research, which included (you guessed it!) time in India. He made it his business to see Nancy there, but again as friends.
If the reader is getting the sense Arthur carried at least a bit of a torch for Nancy, so did this writer, and Arthur doesn’t deny doing so. Nancy, on the other hand, says she was devoted to her studies and to developing a career, and wasn’t interested in marriage at the time. Don’t forget this all took place in the early 1960s, before the cataclysmic societal changes attributed to “the sixties,” and a romantic involvement more often prescribed marriage than it does these days.
When she returned to the States from India, Nancy began law school. By this time, Arthur had said to himself, “I give up,” regarding more than a friendship with Nancy.
And then they flowed away from each other on the currents of life.
Eventually Arthur and Nancy met and married others. Between them, they had five children and ten grandchildren. They are both quite certain their history did not impinge on their full feeling for and devotion to their spouses and families; they did not secretly pine for each other, nor even keep each other in mind.
Along the way, Arthur, as a medical doctor, became expert in the effects of long distance running on the heart, and lectured on the topic at various symposiums and seminars. A couple of years ago, as part of a Zoom lecture series for Swarthmore alums, Arthur delivered a talk, and (you guessed it!) Nancy attended. At that time, as a result of the death of a spouse and a divorce, both of them were unmarried. Arthur suggested to Nancy that she give him a call, and she did so. They talked for an hour, then came more phone conversations and emails, attendance at each other’s birthday parties, each other’s grandchildren’s graduations and their families getting together with them.
Arthur says he came to the realization that he was in love. Consistent with his early interest in acting, Arthur is a film buff, and he identified with the line from “When Harry Met Sally”: “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” All of this translated into his saying to Nancy, “It looks like we are getting intrigued with each other.”
The rest, as they say, is history.
Arthur had lectures scheduled in London and Paris this past fall, and Nancy accompanied him. Walking through Paris, they identified with the saying “Though you may leave Paris, Paris never really leaves you.”
The best single adjective I can think of to describe Arthur is “ebullient,” which my dictionary defines as “energetic, filled with life and enthusiasm.” There is no doubt the fire burns in Arthur, which is reflected by the fact that, even in his mid-80s, his skin has that sheen that life paints on those who live it with verve. Nancy is more restrained, but a warmth shines through her reserve.
For now, Arthur continues to live in the Middlesex County town of Lincoln and work part-time. Nancy resides in Westhampton. They see each other a good deal, and when they are not physically together, they keep in what Nancy calls “close touch.” As I look at those words, I find myself thinking that over a lifetime they have journeyed from close friends to close touch.
Finally, I asked the two of them if they ever think of what their lives might have been like if they’d gotten together as a couple in their 20s, instead of their 80s.
Their answer came back as one, “This is the way it was meant to be.”
Amherst resident Richard McCarthy, a longtime columnist at the Springfield Republican, writes a monthly column for the Gazette.